9/3: "No matter how long you live here, Russ, you'll never be a native."

-I got a ride into town in the school shuttle to go to KMart to buy a pillow, since my old ones got moldy in the basement over the summer. There was a new van driver who was basically a cross between Christopher Walken and my grandpa. His name was Bill, and he introduced himself with a firm handshake. He kept affectionately calling me "Russ" in an avuncular way that only could have meant that I was passing, which was crazy. He was very chatty about politics and weather and living in Vermont, and humbly flustered about trying to keep track of all the pickups and drop-offs. Best van driver ever.

-As I was putting a birthday present in someone's box in the mailroom, Eddie entered and gave me the most conceited sneer from behind his Ray-Bans, as though to say, "I can't believe you would give someone a gift!"